PART EIGHT
Also read these other parts,
1,3,4,5 ,
6
,7
Part 2 is a special adult oriented part. Click
here.
To write to Adam and Chancellor, write to;
teens@submission.org
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Dear Adam & Chancellor
is an exciting question and answer column that's open
to all youth (and the young at heart). If you're curious about a subject
or have a question you've been afraid to ask someone else, give Adam &
Chancellor a shot. Your questions can even be kept confidential if you like.
Whether you're dealing with peer pressure and everyday challenges or have
questions about your religion or the meaning of life, Adam & Chancellor
will give you some great feedback. Check out some of the past questions and
you'll get an idea. |
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(76)
Subject: Christian
fiancée
??
Assalamu Alaikum,
I am a sunni muslim and I am engaged to an
American-Christian guy. He is really interested in Islam and have a potential
to convert and at this point I need your help.I am trying to help him and
answering his questions and still there many things he needs to learn.He
is looking for the reasons to convert.What I am supposed to do?How you can
help me?
May Allah protect and bless your
efforts.
T.G.
Alaykum Salaam,
Thank you for sharing your question with us.
There is a common misconception about converting to Islam. People think they
can adopt a name of a religion, change their own name and appearance, recite
the shahada (a one line declaration of faith which is usually incorrect because
it mentions the name of Muhammad next to God) and...poof... they are magically
changed into another person. Once they become Muslim by name, they believe
they are automatically saved - just like the Christians who claim that by
accepting Jesus you are guaranteed a ticket to paradise.
We read about this "chosen one" mentality in the Quran:
[2:111] Some have said, "No one will enter Paradise except Jews or Christians!"
Such is their wishful thinking. Say, "Show us your proof, if you are right."
[2:112] Indeed, those who submit themselves absolutely to GOD alone, while
leading a righteous life, will receive their recompense from their Lord;
they have nothing to fear, nor will they grieve.*
Islam is not a name. Islam means Submission to God alone. Muslim is an Arabic
word that refers to the person who Submits to God alone. Submission involves
an active dialing process of remembering and worshiping God. It is a way
of life, a way of perceiving and prioritizing God in your life. As mentioned
in the verse about, the true religion is one in which you submit yourself
absolutely to God alone while leading a righteous life. It doesn't matter
if you're black or white, young or old, rich or poor, Christian or Buddhist.
What matters is your decision to submit to God, making God a priority in
your daily life and working hard to appreciate, worship and please Him every
day. True Submission (no matter what your religious name is) is a constant
effort of internal and external striving to come closer to your Creator.
It involves dealing with challenges, temptations, struggles and triumphs.
As we read in the Quran:
[29:2] Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe," without
being put to the test?
Thus, you can be a Christian Submitter, a Jewish Submitter or Muslim Submitter.
The Quran speaks about this unity of Submitters:
[2:62] Surely, those who believe, those who are Jewish, the Christians, and
the converts; anyone who (1) believes in GOD, and (2) believes in the Last
Day, and (3) leads a righteous life, will receive their recompense from their
Lord. They have nothing to fear, nor will they grieve.
It is very interesting that God gives only one criterion in the Quran for
distinguishing among the people. This criterion is not the name of a religion,
but rather, righteousness.
[49:13] O people, we created you from the same male and female, and rendered
you distinct peoples and tribes, that you may recognize one another. The
best among you in the sight of GOD is the most righteous. GOD is Omniscient,
Cognizant.
In terms of marriage, God allows you to marry people of the previous scripture,
this includes Christians, as long as they are Submitters to HIM alone, not
idol-worshipers. This means they devote their worship to God alone and do
not believe for example that Jesus is the son of God.
I recommend that both you and your fiancée spend some more time reading
the articles on our web site and study the Quran together since it will answer
many questions.
http://www.submission.org
We have the English translation of the Quran free on our site. You can download
it at;
http://www.submission.org/quran/WinQT.html
If he recognizes the Quran as the truth as God states , he will be able to
join you in your salat, Zakat, fasting, and, God willing, Hajj.
[22:54] Those who are blessed with knowledge will recognize the truth from
your Lord, then believe in it (Quran) , and their hearts will readily accept
it. Most assuredly, GOD guides the believers in the right path.
You also mentioned that you are a sunni Muslim. You should know that In the
Quran, God tells us not to divide our religion into sects (Sunni or Shi'ite).
[6:159] Those who DIVIDE themselves into SECTs do not belong with you. Their
judgment rests with GOD, then He will inform them of everything they had
done.
[30:32] (Do not fall in idol worship,) like those who DIVIDE their religion
into SECTs; each party rejoicing with what they have.
The true religion of God is the religion of Submission (Islam) which comes
to us from Abraham.
[22:78] You shall strive for the cause of GOD as you should strive for His
cause. He has chosen you and has placed no hardship on you in practicing
your religion - the religion of your father Abraham. He is the one who named
you "Submitters" originally. Thus, the messenger shall serve as a witness
among you, and you shall serve as witnesses among the people. Therefore,
you shall observe the Contact Prayers (Salat) and give the obligatory charity
(Zakat), and hold fast to GOD; He is your Lord, the best Lord and the best
Supporter.
As a result, you and your fiancée share the same religions since even
Jesus was a follower of the religion of Submission. I encourage you to start
reading the Quran with your fiancée. There is a great translation
that you can download for free from our web site as I mentioned before.
God bless you,
Adam
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Dear Adam &
Chancellor,
(77)
Subject: ? How about Hijab
?Should I wear it or not ?.
hi ,
my name is W.F. I am a borne muslim who just started
wearing the hijab. i'am confused ,do i wear it or not. i pray five times
a day on time even Fajr prayer. i remember God every day and supplicate
and all ways ask for forgiveness but i'am scared to take the hijjab of and
i' ll get punished if i do, will i be doing the right thing please
help.
__________________________________________________________________
Salaam Alaykum W.F.,
Thanks for visiting our site at
http://www.submission.org/home.html
Please read this link very carefully because it answers your question
http://www.submission.org/dress.html
According to God, the only source of religious guidance we need is the Quran.
Sura Al-Kahf, Verse 27 - You shall recite what is revealed to you of your
Lord's scripture. Nothing shall abrogate His words, and you shall not find
any other source beside it.
In the Quran, God tells us very clearly the things we need to do and the
things we should not do.
Sura Al-Imran, Verse 7 - He sent down to you this scripture, containing
straightforward verses - which constitute the essence of the scripture...
There is nothing in the Quran that talks about wearing a traditional hijab
during prayer or outside of prayer. This ritual comes from the writings of
Hadith. The Hadith is a collection of stories written in books about 200
years after the death of prophet Muhammad. In these stories many lies were
introduced into Islam as well as laws that God never commanded. In the Quran,
God warns us not to follow any Hadith but the Quran. (Quran is called the
BEST Hadith).
See:
http://www.submission.org/had-corruption.html
Sura Luqman, Verse 6 - Among the people, there are those who uphold baseless Hadith, and thus divert others from the path of GOD without knowledge, and
take it in vain. These have incurred a shameful retribution.
39:23 "God has revealed herein the BEST HADITH; a book that is consistent
and points out both ways (to heaven and hell). The skins of those who reverence
their Lord cringe therefrom, then their skins and their hearts soften up
for God's message. Such is God's guidance; he bestows it upon whomever He
wills. As for those sent astray by God, nothing can guide them."
45:6 "These are God's revelations (Quran) that we recite to you truthfully.
In which HADITH other than God and His revelations do they believe?"
If you are wearing the hijab because you think it is a commandment from God,
then you have a much bigger fear to deal with because God warns us not to
follow man-made laws thinking they are from God as we read in the following
verses:
Al-Imran, Verse 78 - Among them are those who twist their tongues to imitate
the scripture, that you may think it is from the scripture, when it is not
from the scripture, and they claim that it is from GOD, when it is not from
GOD. Thus, they utter lies and attribute them to GOD, knowingly.
Al-Ankaboot, Verse 68 - Who is more evil than one who fabricates lies and
attributes them to GOD, or rejects the truth when it comes to him? Is Hell
not a just retribution for the disbelievers?
Wearing the hijab is a personal choice, not a religious law. According to
God and the Quran you do not need to wear it, but if you choose to
wear it, then you should be aware that it is your personal choice, not a
religious requirement, nor preach that it is from God because it is not.
You do not want to spread lies about God.
I don't blame you for feeling confused or scared since most of the Muslims
around the world believe in the hijab. However, we know that worshiping God
is not a popularity contest. Just because the Christians believe Jesus is
the son of God does not make 1 billion people right. Keep your faith
in God strong and pray that God continues to shower you with guidance, wisdom
and the correct understanding. God is concerned with your righteousness not
with what you are wearing over your head during your daily life or during
your prayer.
Al-A'araf, Verse 26 - O children of Adam, we have provided you with garments
to cover your bodies, as well as for luxury. But the best garment is the
garment of righteousness. These are some of GOD's signs, that they may take
heed.
God bless you,
Adam
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(78)
Subject: Learning about Islam
...
Hello,
I have become interested in learning about Islam
and found the Quran on your web site. I have a question; It seems as though
the Quran accepts that Isaac and Abraham were holy, but also says that they
were not Jews. It seems like the Quran says that they were, in fact, Muslim..
How is this possible? Islam is much younger than Judaism.Thanks,
Matt |
Hi Matt,
You ask a very intelligent question! I appreciate you sharing it with us.
The definition of Islam and Muslim as we know it today is different than
what is described in the Quran. You would be correct to say that Quran came
after the Old and New Testaments. You are also correct that the Quran says
that Abraham and Isaac were neither Jewish or Christian as we read in the
following verses:
[2:135] They said, "You have to be Jewish or Christian, to be guided." Say,
"We follow the religion of Abraham - monotheism - he never was an idol
worshiper."
[2:140] Do you say that Abraham, Ismail, Isaac, Jacob, and the Patriarchs
were Jewish or Christian? Say, "Do you know better than GOD? Who is more
evil than one who conceals a testimony he has learned from GOD? GOD is never
unaware of anything you do."
[3:67] Abraham was neither Jewish, nor Christian; he was a monotheist submitter.
He never was an idol worshiper.
These verses tell us that Abraham was a Submitter. Islam translated into
English means Submission to God and a Muslim is one who submits to God
alone. Submission, or Islam, is the religion of all prophets. It is the one
and the same religion encouraged by God throughout time.
Unfortunately, the majority of Muslims themselves don't understand the meaning
of Islam and have distorted the religion beyond recognition. Islam, Submission,
is a very old word that is time timeless. It describes a way of life not
a religion. Abraham and Isaac were Muslim only in the sense that they submitted
themselves totally in the service of God alone. They were not Muslims in
the way that the distorted Islam is being practiced today.
Chancellor |
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(79)
Subject:
Taking a
bath....!!!! |
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Asalaamu Alaikum
I was wondering if you could tell me how to perform the required bath that
u need to do before going to Jumah.
Thank You
May Allah Bless You
Alaykum Salaam,
Thank you for your question. Before I answer you directly, let me back up
and mention a few things.
According to God, the only source of religious guidance we need is the Quran.
Sura Al-Kahf, Verse 27 - You shall recite what is revealed to you of your
Lord's scripture. Nothing shall abrogate His words, and you shall not find
any other source beside it.
In the Quran, God tells us very clearly the things we need to do and the
things we should not do.
Sura Al-Imran, Verse 7 - He sent down to you this scripture, containing
straightforward verses - which constitute the essence of the scripture...
There is nothing in the Quran that says we have to take a bath before Juma
prayer. The only time God tells us to take a bath before prayer is after
sexual orgasm (not just for Juma but for all prayers if someone has had sexual
orgasm). The requirements for washing before prayer which is called ablution,
or wudu, is described in detail in the following verse:
[5:6] O you who believe, when you observe the Contact Prayers (Salat),
you shall:
(1) wash your faces,
(2) wash your arms
to the elbows,
(3) wipe your
heads, and (4)
wash your feet to the ankles. If you were unclean due to sexual
orgasm, you shall bathe. If you are ill, or traveling, or had any digestive
excretion (urinary, fecal, or gas), or had (sexual) contact with the women,
and you cannot find water, you shall observe the dry ablution (Tayammum)
by touching clean dry soil, then rubbing your faces and hands. GOD does not
wish to make the religion difficult for you; He wishes to cleanse you and
to perfect His blessing upon you, that you may be appreciative.
Taking a bath means your whole body will be washed and cleaned in comparison
to an ablution where the four steps mentioned above are observed.
This ritual of bathing before Juma probably comes from the stories and writings
of Hadith. In the Quran, God warns us not to follow any Hadith other than
the Quran.
Sura Luqman, Verse 6 - Among the people, there are those who uphold baseless Hadith, and thus divert others from the path of GOD without knowledge, and
take it in vain. These have incurred a shameful retribution.
God bless you,
Adam
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(80)
Subject: Shaving my pubic
hair....
dear adam
i am a 13 year old muslim boy, i have just entered
puberty and i have started to develop pubic hair, what i want to know is
if it is true that muslims have to shave their privates, and does that include
the hair on the backside?
Sincerely,
Y.S.
Peace be upon you Y.S.,
Thank you for sharing your question with me. According to God, the only source
of religious guidance we need is the Quran.
In the Quran, God tells us very clearly the things we need to do and the
things we should not do.
Sura Al-Imran, Verse 7 - He sent down to you this scripture, containing
straightforward verses - which constitute the essence of the scripture...
There is nothing in the Quran that talks about shaving your pubic hair.This
ritual comes from the writings and stories found in Hadith books and ahs
no basis in the Quran. In the Quran, God warns us not to follow any Hadith
but the Quran.
The decision to shave your pubic hair is your personal choice and is not
related to the religion of Islam (Submission) or to whether you will be righteous
or not.
Chancellor
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(81)
Subject: Circumcision
...
peace,
do muslim males have to circumcise themselves? since
this law was given in the previous scriptures and not superseded by the laws
in the Quran, is circumcision a requirement for males?
Curious,
Salaam Curious,
Peace be upon you,
Thank you for sharing your question with us. Actually, the Quran supercedes
the previous scriptures as mentioned in the following verse:
[5:48] Then we revealed to you this scripture, truthfully, confirming previous
scriptures, and superseding them. You shall rule among them in accordance
with GOD's revelations, and do not follow their wishes if they differ from
the truth that came to you. For each of you, we have decreed laws and different
rites. Had GOD willed, He could have made you one congregation. But He thus
puts you to the test through the revelations He has given each of you. You
shall compete in righteousness. To GOD is your final destiny - all of you
- then He will inform you of everything you had disputed.
Since circumcision is not mentioned in the Quran, it is left to our personal
choice. We can not make a law either way that circumcision is required or
forbidden and claim it is from God. We read in the Quran:
[3:78] Among them are those who twist their tongues to imitate the scripture,
that you may think it is from the scripture, when it is not from the scripture,
and they claim that it is from GOD, when it is not from GOD. Thus, they utter
lies and attribute them to GOD, knowingly.
[29:68] Who is more evil than one who fabricates lies and attributes them
to GOD, or rejects the truth when it comes to him? Is Hell not a just retribution
for the disbelievers?
God bless you,
Adam |
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(82)
Subject: I dunno what to
do.... ...
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Dear Adam and Cancellor,
I'm a fourteen year old Muslim girl and I've never
been liking a guy sooo much until this guy came into my life. I really, really
had a huge crush on him but the problem is, he's not a Muslim. But I always
prayed to Allah each night that he would be a Muslim. I waited for something
to happen for months but he seems not that interested in Islam... sometimes
I feel dissapointed and wonder why God didn't let him to be interested in
Islam and to be a Muslim guy just what I've prayed... I've done everything
and prayed to God everyday and even read Koran every night but it seems not
working... Honestly, I even cried and felt really sincere about praying that
he would be a Muslim but it's still didn't seem to work... I've got no hope
in it anymore... please help me... I dunno what to do....
K.L.
Peace be upon you K.L.,
Thank you for sharing your question with us. I can feel that this situation
is very difficult for you. First, you should know that God wishes happiness
for His worshipers. Also, God puts His worshipers in situations that are
best for the growth of their soul, the real person. For this reason, you
may be in a situation that you don't like or understand but you must trust
that it is the best for your soul. As God mentions in the Quran:
Quran 2:216 …But you may dislike something which is good for you, and
you may like something which is bad for you. GOD knows while you do not know.
Quran 17:11 The human being often prays for something that may hurt him,
thinking that he is praying for something good. The human being is impatient.
Quran 57:23 Thus, you should not grieve over anything you miss, nor be proud
of anything He has bestowed upon you. GOD does not love those who are boastful,
proud.
Ask yourself this question. What if this person that you like is a Muslim?
Then what? What would you do at your age? Are you ready to make an emotional
and physical commitment of marriage? After all, if you fall in love with
this person but you are not in a position to get married, then, you may find
yourself in a situation where you are in a physical relationship because
of your love for him and this relationship will take you away from God because
it would be against the Quran. God wants the best for you. Of course, it's
very easy for God to answer all prayers. What if your prayer was answered,
this person became a Muslim, but it turns out he was not the right person
for you. God knows the best time and best partner for you. The time and person
has already been selected. Your role is to stay strong on the path of God
and strengthen your faith so that you are ready to enjoy the great blessing
that comes from having a soul mate. Be patient. Trust God. Instead of thinking
about to this person, use this energy to worship God and move on with your
life.
One of my favorite songs has the following lyrics:
"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers. Remember that you're talking
to the One upstairs. Just because He doesn't answer doesn't mean He don't
care. Some of God's greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers."
You must remember that the main reason you were created is to worship God
and work hard to redeem your soul.
44:38-9 We did not create the heavens and the earth, and everything between
them, just to play. We created them for a specific purpose, but most of them
do not know
God bless you,
Adam |
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(83)
Subject: Friends with the
opposite sex....
i'm a 15 years old girl . i wanna ask u if the relation
between guys and girls permitted by islam or not? i mean friendship between
guys and girls ? is it forbidden to have a friend from the other sex? ,and
if it's forbidden so why is it forbidden? i wanna know also what are the
rules if this friendship if it is permitted? i know that the relation that
gathers a man and a woman must be marriage
Peace be upon you,
Thank you for sharing your question with us. There's nothing in the Koran
that prevents friendship between guys and girls. Since we know that the Koran
should be our only source for religious guidance in Islam (Submission) we
can conclude that God has not prohibited friendship with the opposite sex.
There are some "rules" that should guide friendships between guys and girls.
First, ask yourself what friendship is like between two people of the same
sex. The same behavior, intention and attitude should apply to friendship
with someone of the opposite sex. If you feel yourself starting to develop
feelings of attraction for the person, then the boundary of friendship starts
to become crossed and you should be very careful. The Koran also encourages
us to focus our interaction on topics of righteousness such as talking about
God, the Koran, charity, and Islam (Koran 2:235). There's nothing wrong with
having conversations about movies, music, sports and other hobbies. However,
it's a good idea to have topics of righteousness be a part of the interactions
you have with others. A general rule for all friendships is that you should
not be friends with someone who actively criticizes you because of your religion
(Koran 60:9).
I would recommend to you to read our article about dating at,
http://www.submission.org/teenagers/dating.html
God bless you,
Adam |
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(84)
Subject: Friends with the
opposite sex....
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Dear Adam and Cancellor,
I have been reading various articles about Halal
meat and have been able to identify many innovations that have been falsly
made up about what meat is allowed and what isnt. I am trying to find out the truth using the Quran
Alone and have two question.
Firstly, from the research I have done it seems
gelatine is from the skin of pigs?? and so is halal..... have I got this
right? so any chocolate, yoghurt or anything with gelatine in is halal is
it?
Secondly, please help me and dont be angry with
me for asking you something which might seem obvious to you. I have read
your explanation on Halal meat "the Quranic truth" but the verse above says
that God was displeased with the people who didnt pronounce GOD's name over
the livestock as they sacrificed them.
"..Even the livestock they ate, they never pronounced
GOD's name as they sacrificed them"
I dont know how this verse could not mean that Gods
name should be pronounced as the livestock is sacrificed.
please reply if possible
With God's help I will find the Truth.
many thanks,
Alex
Peace be to you Alex ,
[6:138] They said, "These are livestock and crops that are prohibited; no
one shall eat them except whomever we permit," so they claimed. They also
prohibited the riding of certain livestock. Even the livestock they ate,
they never pronounced GOD's name as they sacrificed them. Such are innovations
attributed to Him. He will surely requite them for their innovations.
<<I have been reading various articles about Halal meat and have been
able to identify many innovations that have been falsly made up about what
meat is allowed and what isnt.
I am trying to find out the truth using the Quran Alone and have two questions
I would really like to know the truthful answers to. God willing I will find
them.
Firstly, from the research I have done it seems gelatine is from the skin
of pigs?? and so is halal..... have I got this right? so any chocolate, yoghurt
or anything with gelatine in is halal is it?>>
You are right. Only the meat of pigs is forbidden.
<<Also, from the Verse I have pasted above, it seems to indicate that
some people who displeased God didnt mention His name "as they sacrificed
them", "them" being the livestock. Does this mean that the meat we get from
livestock has to be sacrificed as the name of GOD is pronounced over it?
>>
The Arabic Quran in 6:138, DOES NOT have the expression ( As they sacrificed
them). It is the same mistake other translators did. Actually some other
translators did not make such a mistake. Check them. No where in the Quran
does God say mention God's name on the Animals while sacrificing them. HE
says to mentions His name on any food before eating it. The Arabic Quran
is the base to go to in case of difference of opinion in a translation.
This verse is telling us that we should mention the name of God before we
eat anything, including meat. At the time this verse was revealed, it was
more common for people to sacrifice for themselves the meat they would be
eating. For this reason, they were commanded to pronounce God's name on the
food they would be sacrificing and eating. In our case, we buy our meat from
the stores. What is important is that we mention God's name before we eat
this meat not that we make sure the butcher did this. God has made the religion
easy for us (5:6) and common sense should prevail. It is interesting that
even if we buy our meat from butchers who say the meat is halal, we are in
danger of eating something that is haram because most of the sacrificing
that I am aware of is done mentioning the name of Mohammed as well as God.
God bless you,
Adam
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(85)
Subject: Being in
love......
Salaamun Alykum,
I am 19 years old. I have never had a girlfriend and
neither did I have many female friends. I live in Perth, Australia, so sometimes
I even give the Khutba on Friday Prayers at school. I am a practising Muslim.
But recently I came to know this girl who is also Muslim, she is relegious
and wears the hijab all the time. She is only my friend. But I keep having
thoughts about her. It seems to me that I am in love with her. I do not want
to date or anything like that it is not permissible as we all know, neither
do I want to have any sexual intercourse. Even without this I have strong
feelings for her. She does not know that neither do I plan to tell her because
then the friendship will be ruined. I keep telling myself not to even think
about it but it keeps coming back making me feel weak. It seems to me I want
to marry her. But marriage is so far away from me and I know that by then
I might not even know where she is. But now I keep trying to make plans on
how I could know where she would be by the time i reach the stage of asking
her to marry me. Please give me some advice on my situation. I do not want
to go on the wrong path. I know this sounds wierd and childish but infact
its bothering me very much.
Signed;
being n love
Alaykum salaam "being n love",
Your question is not weird or childish at all. In fact, I think that you
are very very wise and blessed that you can allow yourself to deal with this
question. Most people will ignore the situation and it comes back to them
later in life in damaging ways.
I wish I had an easy answer for you. I have been in your situation myself
and I know that it is one of the most difficult tests of faith we can experience
at that age. I really appreciate your maturity in knowing that it is too
early for you to get married. I know many people who justify getting married
early and then end up miserable because they did not have the understanding
to appreciate the significance of their decision.
Patience, perseverance, steadfastness on this great path you're on...these
are some of the qualities you need to live out in order to get through this
period. Keep your friendship with her. I think I agree with you that it's
not a good idea to tell her about your feelings. It may make her uncomfortable.
Or, she may develop feelings for you and then you will face a difficult task
of separating friendship from a relationship that may lead to intimacy.
Here's an article that may have some insight for you. I know that you are
not obsessed with her but the article still has some useful advice.
http://www.submission.org/teenagers/obsession.html
Please keep me in the loop and let me know how things are going.
God bless you,
Adam |
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(86)
Subject:
Lost
virrginity.... |
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I'am young muslim girl and have made a terrible mistake
of having sexual intercourse with my partner whom i am not married to, i
want to marry this guy but our parents are against it we are both muslims
but from different countries.i feel as i hav lost my virginity to this man
he is the only one i can marry and want to marry,but he does not understand
how important it is to me.please help
Signed,
Lost there
Hi there,
Thank you for feeling comfortable to share this personal question. You can't
undo the past. But, you shouldn't despair. You should learn from this mistake.
Quran 39:53 Proclaim: "O My servants who exceeded the limits, never despair
of God's mercy. For God forgives all sins. He is the Forgiver, Most Merciful.
It does not matter what your sin is or how long and often you have been sinning.
You should have trust in God that He is the Most Gracious and Most Merciful.
He is the Forgiver. In order to receive God's forgiveness, you must 1) remember
God 2) ask for forgiveness, 3) repent 4) reform your behavior and 5) continue
to believe in God while leading a righteous life. If you do this, God will
not only forgive your sins, but He will also turn them into credits. No wonder
why God is the Most Merciful.
Quran 25:70 Exempted are those who repent, believe, and lead a righteous
life. God transforms their sins into credits. God is Forgiver, Most Merciful.
Quran 7:153 As for those who committed sins, then repented thereafter and
believe, your Lord - after this - is Forgiver, Most Merciful
Losing your virginity should not be the reason for getting married unless
both of you love each other and accept each other as husband and wife. I
know that in some cultures they see such marriage as a cover up of the sin
of losing your virginity. They do not know that for marriage to succeed it
has t be built on strong foundation of love and understanding. Marriage to
cover up a lost virginity will most probably fail unless the parties involved
do love each other and will work hard to keep the marriage.
Marriage is a serious decision that you need to think about. Don't let one
event determine a decision that will effect the rest of your life.
There must be mutual love and attraction between both of you. Of course,
he needs to be believe in God also. Again, separate the issues.
The past is history. Focus on your decision now.
By repenting , reforming and going back to God, God will help you making
the right decision.
Best wishes.
Adam/Chancellor
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(87)
Subject: wearing Hijab
and tight clothes....
salaam,
I am a 15 yr old girl with Indian descent. I'm in 8th
grade and this year i decided to year the hijab. I thought about the hijab
ever since my dad started reminding me, he always told me to wear it. But
my mother felt as if i wasnt matture enough. I remember one time in the car
my father theartened me, he said as long i was living in his house i would
have to listen to him and i MUST wear a hijab to school starting in 8th grade.
Even though i didnt want to i felt as if i have to because of the fear i
have towards my father. At first i hated it, i LOVE the fact i'm showing
my religion and wearing it for god but i feel as if it wansnt my decision
to wear. I know in my > heart if my father left me alone i could've made
the right choice.
Recently, i met this girl Ayasha. She is also muslim
and she dresses as 1 of the americans. I cant help but to feel a little jealous.
But i have another friend Razia she made the decision for her self but she
wears covering clothes but they still show a little shape. With my clothes
they r covering and loose even tho i wear a hijab i still want to wear tighter
fitting clothes because of my father my mother won't let me wear the clothes
that i want to. I want to dress like Razia with a little shape but not as
bad as Ayasha, what should i do?
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Salaam Alaykum,
Thanks for sharing your question with me. I never like to hear the youngsters
being threatened by their relatives in order to follow their religion. God
mentions to us in the Quran that there should be no force. But, I understand
you are in a difficult position and I sense that your father wants the very
best for you.
These dress codes that involve Hijab are traditional clothes and not supported
by the Quran. This is too big of a subject for you at this time of our life,
that you will need to stduy when you grow up further. For now, you need to
listen to your father as he loves you and wants the best for you, but you
do not need to go to extremes. Be creative in choosing beautiful clothes
as much as you can. Look at different styles of people who wear hijab and
choose what you think will look good on you. When you grow up you may not
fnd it necessary to wear hijab, as it is not a requirement in Quran.
One of the main purposes of the dress code for women is that you don't reveal
parts of your body that will draw attention. I don't recommend that you start
wearing clothes that show your curves. You can still look great witout doing
that. Your example should be one that pleases God not impresses your friends
or draws attention to you.
Please stay in touch.
God bless you,
Adam
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(88)
Subject: Dress code again
for women....
asslamu alikum,
.... i was wondering about where u got the information
regarding the fact that women do not have to wear scarves.i was tryin to
explain to my mother but she is very traditional in her beliefs and even
with some evidence that you had shown i could not convince her, although
u will say ur sources r from the koran-u must have had other sources.
translations of the koran r all down to interpretation. what if we r all
reading the wrong interpretation? i mean basically all muslim women wear
scarves-how is it possible to convince them that this is not a requirement?
should scholars be allowed to interpret text? i dont think so. because it
creates different beliefs when in fact there should just be one simple
translation an one belief-islam i just thought i d get that off my chest
wasalaam
AMA
Alaykum salaam,
Nice to hear from you again. The information regarding female dress comes
from the Quran. Of course, you are correct that interpretations differ greatly.
I think the beauty is that it leaves each of us room to come to our own
understanding of what feels right. If it makes you feel better to cover your
hair, then you should do it. However, you can not say that it's a law from
God because nowhere in the entire Quran does God use the word hair or even
head when it comes to women's dress code.
I feel we should all have the freedom to interpret the scripture. Why should
we leave it to religious leaders? God mentions in the Quran that He is our
teacher and invites us to learn. God is the one who guides.
We don't have to have 100% agreement on women's dress. There's great wisdom
and beauty in diversity as long as we don't force our opinions on people.
The truth will be very clear to you if you sincerely ask God for guidance.
The verses are clear. You should not fear following your understanding of
the Quran even if it differs from many Muslim women who chose to cover
themselves. Also, I don't think you're job is to convince your mother. The
goal is to share information in the best possible manner using your understanding
of the Quran. Please stay in touch.
God bless,
Chancellor |
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(89)
Subject: Confused Religiously
:
hi ... I just would like to ask you guys something
... I am a middle Eastern muslim , I have been VERY religious almost all
my life , I mean I pray , fast and went to mecca like 4 times ! the thing
is .... everytime I fall in love , that someone turns out not to like me
... everytime I accepted it as god's well ( I seek relationships not for
sexual reasons at all , I never loved a girl for sex).. until this one day
... where I met this increadible girl .. and it was love from the 1st look.
she asked my friends about me .. she thought I looked good and all ... then
she asked my friends about me .. they told her about my religion that I dont
have premarital sex and all ... then she seemed to fade away ....... the
next thing I know that she likes another guy ... since then I have been saying
to myself and while I pray "why god .. i have been faithful as long as I
can remember .. I have been a good muslim ... why !"
I have been into depression ever since , cant think
straight anymore .. cant meet people .. cant find a reason to smile anymore
... I have nothing to say when I meet anyone ...confused religiously .. help
me with ur advice please!
Dear confused religiously,
Thanks for sharing such a difficult situation with me. I have been in your
shoes and I know exactly what you much be feeling like. You know the saying,
"nice guys finish last." I always wondered why I have to stay committed to
God and for my reward I get to see all my friends having relationships and
I have to stay alone. What kind of reward is this?
Well, it's really important for you to appreciate that you are a blessed
person. Would you prefer exchanging lives with your friends if it meant that
you would lose God and gain a beautiful girl. It's a terrible trade. Very
few people follow the path of God alone. You are a very special and unique
person and you need to start feeling proud of your decision to make God a
priority in your life instead of reputation and pleasure. Believe me, the
perfect soul mate is waiting for you and at the right time you will experience
the great blessing of being in a relationship. For now, you must stay strong
and committed to God's path and know that your life is different than most
other people who decide to satisfy themselves in this life and then end up
separated from God on the day of judgment.
In the words of the Quran:
[32:17] You have no idea how much joy and happiness are waiting for you as
a reward for your (righteous) works.
God bless you,
Adam |
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(90)
Subject:
Advise for Adam
........
Hi there,
You ask some great questions. Please continue reading...
<<u say that nowhere in da Quran does it say
men and women cannot be friends. well why does God say, and believing
women shud lower their gazes. and beliving men shud lower their
gazes????????????>>
This verse is talking about gazing at the parts of the body in a sexual manner.
This is for people who look at others in a way that treats them as sexual
objects. If we were to lower our gaze at all members of the opposite sex,
then our eyes would constantly be looking at the ground. This does not mean
you can't look at people in a non-sexual way. The danger in friendship between
men and women is that it may lead to sexual relations. However, if the
relationship is very clear and the connection is only on a social and friendship
level, the Quran says nothing to restrict this.
<< can u please answer my question directly on
my aol email, bcos i wont know if u added it on ur websites as it takes ages
to find a particular question. also, did not the prophet say that no one
will go astray if they follow my sunnah, or example, and haditsh r his sayings
well teh authenic ones.>>
Our prophet's sunnah or example is in the Quran. Everything we need to come
close to God is in the Quran. The Quran is the only direct revelation that
was given to our prophet. If it was important for our salvation to know how
the prophet washed his teeth or what foot he used to enter the house, then
you can be sure that God would have mentioned it in the Quran. Please continue
to surf our site at
http://www.submission.org/hadith/
<< also quran says cover our heads doesnt it?
if so, why wud we ? to protect us from men harrasing us, and we shud lower
our gazes. we can only take hijab off in fron t of family,. and to back all
this up the prophet said men and women cannot have any relationship. please
answer my questions. also about shaving, it is sunnah. bcos prophet taught
us to.and quran says be pure. >>
There is no verse in the Quran that says we have to cover our heads. Please
show me if you can find the word head as it relates to covering. Of course,
if you are living in a society that is very closed and everyone is covering,
you may choose to cover your head so that you do not get more attention than
others. But this is only a personal and common sense approach, not a law
from God. God's laws are very clear. If God wanted us to do something He
would clearly describe it in the Quran.
God bless you,
Adam |
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(91)
Subject: Are these
bad things ??
hey remember me? my screename was ------
how are you? i'm ok i guess ive said i have done many
bad things in life basically i have went over limits and sinned ofcourse
i'm ashamed of it and i'm doing anything to be for the better so insha-allah
God will forgive me for the many things i've done
I just have one question.. is kissing, holding hands,
and hugging something BAD?
please let me know and thank you SO MUCH for
everything!
Salaam
Nice to hear from you again. I'm glad you stayed in touch with us.
You ask a good question. The following article on dating has an answer for
you. Let me know if you still have questions after reading the article.
http://www.submission.org/teenagers/dating.html
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God bless you,
Adam
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(92)
Subject: I am lost,
lost....
I actually don't know where to begin. I am a Muslim
girl (21) who has probably been dating off and on since i have been 15. In
between my dating periods i tried to be a good Muslim and sometimes while
i was dating someone as well. It never really worked because i felt really
ashamed of myself for putting Islam last before my own desires. I had tried
but have always failed.
About 7 months ago I got involved with a Muslim
guy who is 22. It was love at first sight. But when our relationship moved
quicker that i wanted it to, I let him go. It was because he wanted
to have sex and i didn't. We didn't talk for a month but then started talking
again over email and 4 months later we started seeing each other again. He
told me that i was the only one for him and that he wanted to be a better
Muslim for himself and for me. I also wanted to be a better Muslim, I have
been striving for it for years. Anyhow he fed me everything that i wanted
to hear, and i truely did believe that we would end up together as husband
and wife. Because of this, I ended up sleeping with him and at the time i
didn't regret it at all, but that was just my love for him blurring the
situation.
A few weeks later we broke up because he decided
to get an arranged marriage to please his family. I ended up with nothing.
I thought that i had learned my lessons in the past and i believed this situation
was different, because i was more mature than i was only a year ago. I had
my heart broken and for what? I lost respect in myself and i feel as though
i will never be forgiven for what i've done.
I feel as though even if i repent i will still continue
to make the same mistakes because i am a needy person and need companionship.
To help me with this i have allowed my parents to start looking for a husband
for me, but i am afraid that if my future fiance learns that i am not a virgin
then i will never be a wife and my parents will start to wonder why.
How can i stop repeating this awful pattern of dating,
will i ever be forgiven for this terrible sins i've committed, and should
i ever tell my future husband that i am not a virgin?
Sincerely,
Lost
Hi there,
Thanks for sharing your experience with me. Let me start with one of my
favorite verses from the Quran:
Quran 39:53 Proclaim: "O My servants who exceeded the limits, never despair
of God's mercy. For God forgives all sins. He is the Forgiver, Most Merciful.
It does not matter what you have done or how long and how often you have
been doing something that is taking you away from God. At any point you can
turn to God knowing that God is waiting to receive you with open arms. You
should have trust in God that He is the Most Gracious and Most Merciful.
He is the Forgiver.
In order to receive God's forgiveness, you must 1) remember God 2) ask for
forgiveness, 3) repent 4) reform your behavior and 5) continue to believe
in God while leading a righteous life. If you do this, God will not only
forgive your sins, but He will also turn them into credits. No wonder why
God is the Most Merciful.
Quran 25:70 Exempted are those who repent, believe, and lead a righteous
life. God transforms their sins into credits. God is Forgiver, Most Merciful.
Quran 7:153 As for those who committed sins, then repented thereafter and
believe, your Lord - after this - is Forgiver, Most Merciful
Quran 3:135 If they fall in sin or wrong their souls, they remember GOD and
ask forgiveness for their sins - and who forgives the sins except GOD - and
they do not persist in sins, knowingly.
Don't worry about your future husband now. When the time comes, the answer
will be clear. Obviously, you don't want to lie to him. At the same time,
you don't want to offer information that may not be important for him.
As for preventing the same thing from happening, please read the following
article which has some helpful hints. By the way, would you mind if we post
your experience on our web site. Of course, we will remove your information.
I think it's a good way for other people in your shoes to learn from your
experience without having to live it for themselves.
I advise you to read this article about obsession;
http://www.submission.org/teenagers/obsession.html
God bless you,
Adam
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(93)
Subject: a soul with many
more questions :
Dear Adam and Chancellor,
I am a 13 year old boy and i am hoping to convert
to ISLAM but my mother has just rediscovered christianity and is not very
supportive.I had the support of my father until a couple of days ago then
he heard something about the people that u align yourself with.
I should first of all make it clear that in my country their is a very famous
Islamic group called the Jamat-Al-Muslimeen their leader attempted coup in
1990 .My parents are afraid that i might align myself with them.I have no
intentions of joining them.I am not sure they believe me.I also need to know
how i can tell my mother that i believe islam is the correct path to follow
without it causing a big row .I need to let her down easy. The other problem
is I like this girl who is muslim. I think she might like me .She knows i
like her and since i told her she has become more friendly towards me.I would
not mind a relationship with her .I find my self constantly thimking about
her.Freinds have told me i should be careful because of her father .I don't
think her father can harm me because he will have to think twice before laying
a fingure on me.I want to give her the idea that i want to be in a relationship
with her, what should i do. My friends say that i want to convert because
of my feelings for this girl but my conversion hopes have nothing to do with
her, can u answer my questions plzz . Mostly the ones about how to tell my
mum .i would also appreciate an answer to the question about the
girl
from:a soul with many more questions.
Dear Soul with many more questions,
Thanks for writing. First of all, try to be patient with your parents. They
are concerned for you and like most parents just want the best for you. However,
you are responsible to God for what you do and think, so here is a really
important commandment from the Quran:
17:22, 23, 24, and 28 You shall not set up any other god beside God, lest
you end up despised and disgraced. Your Lord has decreed that you shall not
worship except Him, and your parents shall be honored. As long as one or
both of them live, you shall never say to them, "Uff" (the slightest gesture
of annoyance), nor shall you shout at them; you shall treat them amicably.
And lower for them the wings of humility, and kindness, and say "My Lord,
have mercy on them, for they have raised me from infancy." Even if you have
to turn away from them, as you pursue the mercy of your Lord, you shall treat
them in the nicest manner.
God gives us permission to reject the religion of our parents if they do
not worship God alone, but He does not give us permission to treat our parents
badly. In order for you to please God without disobeying this important
commandment, you will need to ask God to help you and make this easy for
you.
God permits us to have friends, and tells us that girls and boys can be friends,
so long as they maintain righteousness. Maintaining righteousness is difficult,
but not impossible, as long as you implore God to help you, so I hope you
will check out the link I have included, below, that talks about the problems
teenagers face today with the pressure to date. Maybe you could share this
link with the girl you like so she can check it out, too. It would be something
good to talk about with each other, as well as with your other friends. It
is important to remember that no matter how much you may like a girl, it
is more important than anything else to follow God's commandments. God should
be the most important thing for you, and everyone else should follow after
that. This is another thing to pray to God for to help you in doing what
is right. God is there for us and all we have to do is ask Him to help us.
God willing you will find lots of useful information at these websites. If
you have any other questions, please write back anytime.
http://www.submission.org/teenagers/
http://www.submission.org/teenagers/dating.html
Chancellor |
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(94)
Subject: Sleepless
O.M.
Dear Adam and
Chancellor,
I have a question for you. For a long time I have
been sad and quite upset about a family situation. You see, for some reason
some people in my family (2 of my uncles and their wives) have grown to dislike
my parents and I. My father is the eldest of the family, he is kind, gentle,
religious, and never misses his daily salaat. I promise that we have always
been kind and generous to our relatives. I of all people, a young woman have
done nothing but respected my aunts and uncles. They have lately spread vicious
lies and rumors about my parents and I. You may be thinking "why don't you
confront them?!"
Well, we have and when we did-they spread more
lies and told people we fought with them and we truly didn't. My other relatives
do not want to get involved and help us mend this issue because they are
worried that those 2 couples will cause problems for them as well. My mother's
heart is broken and she has a dark cloud over her head. I try to console
her and tell her its okay, lets just be nice to them, and that God is just
and sees all things. I tell her we are innocent and they are wrong. But I
am so depressed, I am getting tired of this dilemma. Do you know how it feels
when people HATE you? When you say "Salaam" to someone and they turn their
cheek and ignore you? I have been patient all along, but now I want to confront
them again, but what good will that do? The thing is, NOBODY else in my large
family hates us...why do they only hate us, just those 2 specific couples.
Do I sound crazy? Maybe this seems unimportant, but it hurts when your own
flesh and blood relatives spit in your face and we have done nothing bad.
Maybe this is a test from above? Maybe they are jealous? But why, to me it
seems we have nothing better than them. It is hard for me to be patient any
longer...I feel like I want to defend my parents, but I hesitate because
it may cause more damage. Please help me...sometimes I lay awake at night
feeling upset at things they said about us.
Thank you, and bless you for your wonderful website
:)
-Sleepless O.M.
Peace be upon you dear Sleepless,
God has provided us the directions to handle the situation like yours.When
you know you are doing what God commanded, you are doing the right thing.
[41:34] Not equal is the good response and the bad response. You shall resort
to the nicest possible response. Thus, the one who used to be your enemy,
may become your best friend.
[23:3] And they avoid vain talk.
When you are able to accomplish submission to the above verses, you will
be able to sleep better.
God Bless
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Adam
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(95)
Subject: Why not
....?
Salam Adam & Chancellor:
I have to admit it, I am a very westernized Muslim.
I've lived here my whole life, though my parents raised me right, I am very
independent, and have my own thoughts. I live in residence, where I'm surrounding
by my friends, a lot of female ones also, and sometimes I just wonder why
I can't have sex or foreplay. I'm in university, and have taken lots of courses
in different religions, including Islam, and I do have a belief in Islam.
Sometimes I feel as though it is holding me back from doing certain things
I want to do. Lately I find myself looking for an excuse I could use if I
decided to have sex. I haven't had sex or anything like that (eg. foreplay),
but I always find myself wanting to and thinking if I will be forgiven. I've
been a good Muslim my whole life, but now I feel like it's restricting me
of having some fun. Sex is just a physical act, nothing more, I don't know
why I can't do it. I want to know if I will be forgiven if I do indulge in
it. I'm very confused.
Thanks.
JD
Peace be upon you dear JD
Let me correct you. Your statement should be that you believe in God rather
that believe in Islam. Islam means submission to God. You should also not
accept any other 'gods' who legitimize premarital sex. Let us seek the guidance
of God whom we submit as our only Lord and Master.
God who created us knows what is best for us. When God prohibits
pre-marital sex, it is not to make us suffer but because HE knows it is best
for us as individuals and as a society. God also is putting us through tests
to see who are the good ones and who are the bad ones. Sex is a difficult
test and is given to those at a tough age, the age of sexual desire. We cannot
plan on commiting sin and hoping to have forgiveness as God may will that
you may never be able to stop comitting that sin and can never be forgiven.
Success in this life comes from following God's commands not to try to fool
God or plan a future that you have no control over it. Please read
our article about sex and sexuality at;
http://www.submission.org/teenagers/sex.html
Here is some Quranic advise.
Encourage Marriage to Discourage Immorality
[24:32] You shall encourage those of you who are single to get married. They
may marry the righteous among your male and female servants, if they are
poor. GOD will enrich them from His grace. GOD is Bounteous, Knower.
[5:5] Today, all good food is made lawful for you. The food of the people
of the scripture is lawful for you. Also, you may marry the chaste women
among the believers, as well as the chaste women among the followers of previous
scripture, provided you pay them their due dowries. You shall maintain chastity,
not committing adultery, nor taking secret lovers. Anyone who rejects faith,
all his work will be in vain, and in the Hereafter he will be with the losers.
[23:5] And they maintain their chastity.
[24:30] Tell the believing men that they shall subdue their eyes (and not
stare at the women), and to maintain their chastity. This is purer for them.
GOD is fully Cognizant of everything they do.
[24:31] And tell the believing women to subdue their eyes, and maintain their
chastity. ..
There is really no point in believing in God if one does not want to follow
His instructions.
As commanded above, I would encourage you to get married or abstain from
having sex until God reward you with the best prized wife.. God is the provider.
He will provide a spouse and the financial means to support a spouse and
children.
God Bless
Chancellor
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
(96)
Subject: My Sikh girl friend
??!!
Dear Adam and Chancellor,
salam,
i dont even know how to begin, i know going out is wrong and i give my self
rules not to break when im going out, to make a long story short im in a
relationship with a sikh gurl, and im sure u know where this is going. i
really really like her alot and i dont know what to do. ive never met anyone
let alone a muslim gurl that is as nice and caring as her. the fact remains
she is sikh, but she doesnt belive in keeping her hair.. meaning she cuts
it and doesnt think its wrong. The question is can i marry her even if she
is willing to raise the kids muslim and for her to stay sikh... i know the
quran allows muslim men to marry jewish and christian woman because they
are believers of the book, but sikhism is a monetheistic religion and i dont
know about sikhism but she believes in an after life and not reincarnataion.
her personal values and beliefs seem to be as a muslims would be.... thanks....
A friend.
Dear friend,
Here is the relevant verse
[5:5] Today, all good food is made lawful for you. The food of the people
of the scripture is lawful for you. Also, you may marry the chaste women
among the believers, as well as the chaste women among the followers of previous
scripture, provided you pay them their due dowries. You shall maintain chastity,
not committing adultery, nor taking secret lovers. Anyone who rejects faith,
all his work will be in vain, and in the Hereafter he will be with the losers.
As you know the scripture which Sikhs follow (Garanth) is
1. Not from God
2. Made after the Quran
We are bound to obey what God has commanded us and a marriage with a Sikh
is not allowed.
If she is truly a monotheist, then you may want to discuss with her about
God and His miracles. If she believes in the same God, she should accept
the miracle book (Quran). You can show the mathematical miracle and she may
become a believer. God guides and you have to try.
God Bless
Chancellor |
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Dear Adam & Chancellor,
Special Section,
(Part Two)
From this page, you can go to a special section of Dear Adam and Chancellor
that deals with some sexually oriented questions. It may not be suitable
to everyone to read. You may choose to read it in the presence of your family
members or let them check it out first for you before you read it. If you
are not allowed to read it at your age, it is not the end of the world, do
not worry about it. As we grow older we will have different problems and
questions. We will be very careful presenting these materials and as usual
we will only use the Quran as our guide and help for all the answers. Remember
you or any of your family members or friends can write to us with their
suggestions, corrections or just to share their opinions. To visit that section
of Adam and Chancellor, please
click here. |
info@submission.org
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