A question has been raised about the definition of "parents." At
the first glimpse, one would simply answer that parents are the
genetic couple who give birth to an infant. In fact, this is the
true Arabic meaning of this word, parents or al-waledyn.
However, we all know that it takes a lot more than just giving
birth to be a true parent engaged in the real world of
parenting! What a unique world! Searching in the Quran for
answers always leads to the realization that the wisdom in this
book is just infinite, and we only have to implore God as
commanded in 20:114: .... and say, "My Lord,
increase my knowledge." In 17:23-24, it seems that God almighty
describes for us what it takes to be a parent:
[17:23] Your Lord has decreed
that you shall not worship except Him,
and your parents shall be honored. As long as one or
both of them live, you shall never say to them, "Uff"
(the slightest gesture of annoyance), nor shall you shout at
them; you shall treat them amicably.
[17:24] And lower for them
the wings of humility, and kindness, and
say, "My
Lord, have mercy on them, for they have raised me from
infancy."
The parents referenced in 17:23-24 are the genetic ones who
give birth (al waledayn) and continue to fulfill their
obligation of the parenting process (raising and
nourishing). God in both verses (23, 24) is describing the
ideal situation of two dedicated parents who are willing to
love, support, and raise their kids from infancy and all the
way until they are strong and independent ("My Lord, have
mercy on them, for they have raised me from
infancy.") One can conclude from both verses
that, ideally, parenting starts by a loving couple who give
birth to an infant, then, continue to nourish and raise that
infant.
Being loved, honored, dignified, and fully
nourished starting from the intensive and attentive care
of an infant by our parents, irrespective of their
belief, is what develops some very important values
necessary to grasp and appreciate the essence of Quran. It
is what brings all the beauty, the awareness, and the
freedom into our little hearts. It is what builds and
develops our young souls, and shapes us into healthy,
confident grown ups who are equipped emotionally and
mentally to judge and choose freely. Giving birth by itself,
without the dedication and the hard work, doesn't fulfill
the ideals of parenting in 17:23-24.. Sometimes the needs of
certain kids who lose their parents, or are not blessed with
loving and supportive ones, are fulfilled by God's mercy
through some figures in their life. A grand- parent, a
teacher, a neighbor, a family friend, or any family member
might touch their hearts and leave an everlasting seal
on their souls that may qualify them to continue their life
and appreciate God's blessings. Some of these figures might
not have kids on their own, but yet enjoy extending their
parenting skills to others. These figures are essential
parts of the unique parenting world!
Motherhood, especially, is a very strong and gifted instinct
that God created within all women. It's a sign of God's
infinite wisdom and mercy to have such an instinct as a life
time provision for the human being. We are surrounded and
provided with endless love and care by our mothers,
grandmothers, or a motherly figure in our
life. This enables some of us to give it all back to our
kids, our grand-kids, or any kids that God brings to our
life to offer them parental needs. A circle of sheltering
that's necessary for healthy, emotionally stable and,
hopefully by God's will, appreciative submitters.
The Second Commandment
[31:14] We enjoined the
human being to honor his parents. His mother bore
him, and the load got heavier and heavier. It takes two
years (of intensive care) until weaning. You shall be
appreciative of Me, and of your parents. To Me is
the ultimate destiny.
It's interesting to know that the Hadith and Sunna books
(sayings and practices falsely attributed to prophet
Mohammad) are full of baseless instructions on how to
raise our kids, when to teach them this or that, what
kind of sports they should master and when we should
beat them if they don't pray! Quran doesn't have any of
these pointless details. The One who created us knows
very well that parents (mothers and/or fathers) are by
nature seeking nothing but the best for their kids. The
best in the sight of God and according to the standards
of the Quran is righteousness (49:13). Therefore, a
believing mother and/or father would always feel
obligated to raise her/his kids up to the standards of
righteousness fully detailed for us in the Quran.
The Parents' Responsibility
[20:132]
You shall enjoin your family to
observe the contact prayers (Salat), and
steadfastly persevere in doing so. We
do not ask you for any provisions; we are the ones who
provide for you. The
ultimate triumph belongs to the righteous.
We cannot ask for any better than
this:
[52:21] For those who
believed, and their children also followed them in
belief, we will have their children join them. We
never fail to reward them for any work. Every person is
paid for what he did.
Honoring and regarding our parents are second
top commands for those who reverence God and
appreciate the awesome blessing of having parents.
If our parents are idol worshipers, we are commanded
to continue an amicable relationship with them,
without obeying them or following their idolizing
path.This second top command was demonstrated by
both John and Jesus:
[4:1] O people,
observe
your Lord; the One who created
you from one being, and created from it
its mate, then spread from the two many
men and women. You shall
regard GOD, by whom you swear,
and regard the parents.
GOD is watching over you.*
[19:31] "He made
me blessed wherever I go, and enjoined me to
observe the Contact Prayers (Salat) and the
obligatory charity (Zakat) for as long as I
live.
[19:32] "I am
to honor my mother; He did not make me a
disobedient rebel.
[19:12] "O John,
you shall uphold the scripture, strongly." We
endowed him with wisdom, even in his youth.
[19:13] And (we
endowed him with) kindness from us and purity,
for he was righteous.
[19:14] He
honored his parents, and was never a disobedient
tyrant.
[31:15] If they try to
force you to set up any idols beside Me, do not
obey them. But continue to treat them
amicably in this world. You shall
follow only the path of those who have submitted
to Me. Ultimately, you all return to Me, then I
will inform you of everything you have done.
It is noteworthy that our spiritual growth approaching
the age of forty is linked by our sense of
appreciation for our parents. When we walk in their
shoes, and hit the straight path with more steady steps,
we start to realize that sincere parents try their best
according to their own capacities. Some parents are not
healthy enough themselves to undertake the parenting
process. They give what they have, and sometimes what
they have is not enough or doesn't meet the necessary
standards of parenting. When we reach our wise age (the
age of forty) we tend to reflect and realize that
we should appreciate them, any way, for all they tried
hard to do for us based on their limitations and
capabilities. Only when we are old and mature enough is
when we tend to understand all their deficiencies,
shortcomings, and find out the underlying reasons for
all their unsatisfactory attendance to our needs. We do
love them more, forgive them more, and appreciate them
more when we are older, and the prayer in 46:15 comes
straight from our hearts:
40: The Age of Decision*
[46:15] We enjoined the human
being to honor his parents. His mother bore him
arduously, gave birth to him arduously, and took
intimate care of him for thirty months. When he reaches
maturity, and reaches the age of forty,* he should say,
"My Lord, direct me to appreciate the blessings
You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and to do
the righteous works that please You. Let my children be
righteous as well. I have repented to You; I am a
submitter."
____________________________________
[25:74]....."Our Lord, let our spouses and children
be a source of joy for us, and keep us in the
forefront of the righteous."
[14:40] "My Lord, make me one who consistently
observes the Contact Prayers (Salat), and also my
children. Our Lord, please answer my prayers.
Happy Mother's Day to all mothers, grandmothers, great
grandmothers, and all the motherly figures in our lives!
Peaceful Friday, salaam, God bless you,
